They Win By Making You Think You're Alone - Zorii Bliss

Star Wars has long been my favorite film franchise. From the time I was little I loved Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Darth Vader, lightsabers, blasters, and Obi Wan Kenobi. It used to be that I loved it because it was fun, the lightsabers were cool, the force was awesome. Lately, however, I have come to love it for a whole new reason. The struggle between light and dark reminds me of my own personal struggles. Seeing Luke flee in shame after considering killing his nephew to prevent him from going over to the dark side. Ben/Kylo's own struggle (which I love how the Rise of Skywalker novelization puts words to it), Rey's own struggle with her identity, and on and on. 

 While I could go on about how much I love and enjoy those aspects of the film (Truth be told I probably will at some point), there is one particular quote that struck both me and my wife when we first saw The Rise of Skywalker, and that is the one in the title of this post:

They win by making you think you're alone. 

This is said by Zorii Bliss to Poe Dameron when he is doubting that anybody will come to the aide of the Resistance. Since the decimation of a good portion of the Resistance fleet in the events of the Last Jedi, Poe and other leaders in the Resistance have been reaching out trying to rebuild and gain allies. They were met with limited success in this endeavor. Not many people responded to the call.  This left Poe feeling like they were alone in the fight and that there is not much hope (and as we all know  rebellions  resistance movements are built on hope).

This is the beauty of the statement from Zorii. She is letting Poe know that he is not alone. She is pointing out that things may not be as they seem. That perhaps people tried to respond but the First Order blocked the communication. She hints at the possibility (or the actual fact) that the First Order has done all that it can to make people believe that they are alone in the galaxy and that they don't stand a chance to fight and overcome the First Order. 

So why do I like this so much? The short version is that it helps me to remember that I am not alone. Though that answer doesn't really get to the depth of the meaning for me. Allow me to explain further:

In the Genesis account of creation after God creates the earth, the animals, and man and sees that it is all good, the first thing that is mentioned is not good is "It is not good for man to be alone". Also, science has shown that humans are relational beings, meaning we are meant to exist in relationship with other people. John Towsend expresses this in his book Loving People in this way: "People who aren’t connected can pick out the wrong people to love, they can develop depressions and addictions, and they can experience frustrations in achieving their career goals. The lack of a foundation of internalized attachment keeps them off balance, fearful, untrusting, or too dependent." (p.79)

It has also be noted that, while a lot of damage comes from relationship, the most healing comes in the form of relationship also. We would never fully experience love, acceptance, belonging, or grace without relationship with other humans. Again, Townsend points out "Connecting ultimately serves and assists personal growth and change, as does anything valuable or significant in life. It builds a bridge and makes it safe to do the work of transformation that we all need." ( Townsend, John. Loving People (p. 88). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. )

Unfortunately, there are many things that make us feel alone. Our secrets, our habbits that we are ashamed of, the unkind or uncaring words of another, or any number of other things. We may see others and think they have it all together.We start comparing ourselves to them, we think we are the only ones we are broken or screwed up. In my experience, I start feeling less than, I start believing I am the only one struggling with these problems. Not wanting to show my flaws I hide. I put on a mask show others what I think they want to see, show others a "perfectly" put together person and don't allow them to see the true me. The longer I stay behind this mask and hold on to my struggles to myself the more I start to believe "If you really knew me, you wouldn't love me". All of this serves to separate me from other people. I isolate, I withdraw until I really am truly alone. And when I am alone what do I do? I feel depression, I seek comfort and often fall to using unhealthy coping mechanisms that harm myself or others (either directly or indirectly) and only serve to deepen the shame and guilt I feel and strengthen the belief that I am alone, that I am separte, that I am different. Eventually I may even begin to feel hopeless. 

However, the truth is, as Zorii pointed out to Poe, I am never truly alone. We are never truly alone. Yes, if you are believer you may believe, as I do, that God is always with you. However, there is more to this. One only has to look at the thousands of twelve step groups for the various addictions to see that there are millions of people hurting, struggling, just as I am. Is the behavior they struggle with different than mine? Possibly, but ultimately that behavior is just a symptom of something deeper. The symptoms may present differently in different people, but it is the same disease. They are all running to something to cope. Whether it be a tub of ice cream, the mall, alcohol, drugs, pornography, any number of eating disorders, anger, or anything else they are all attempts to make ourselves feel better. However, they only lasts for so long. Then the feelings of shame and guilt creep in over what we have done and the cycle begins again.

The truth is we are all human. We all make mistakes. We all make decisions and do things we are not proud of. We all have our coping mechanisms we run too. We all have doubts and struggles. Some of us are better at dealing with them, some of us are better at hiding them, but they are there. And those things that separate us and make us believe we are alone? They are lies, fabrications founded by fears of not being accepted for who I am and as I currently am. True some of the lies have be strengthened by past hurts and traumas. Some have been strengthened from being vulnerable with someone who wasn't safe and being burnt. The fact remains, though, that they are lies. The fear takes "I have been vulnerable and was hurt and not accepted as I am" and changes it to "I will never be accepted as I am".

And this is where the quote comes in for me. It reminds me that I only think I am alone. That it is a lie and there are others out there struggling like I am. There are others out there fighting this same fight. The are others willing to help me, to sit with me and hear me and give me grace, love, and understanding. It reminds me that reaching out and vulnerable doesn't always end in pain. That sometimes it results in that grace and love from God like the message I received from my dad the morning after I shared with him my struggles:

I wanted to let you know that I love you no matter what. In fact, I love you more than ever. If I feel that way as a flawed human parent, God’s love for you as your creator is imperishable.

Which, in turn reminds me that God loves me no matter what. That he loves me where I am.  And that is the most beautiful, hopeful feeling ever.

As a final note, if you are hurting or struggling I want you to know that I see you and I love you. I've been there, I know it sucks, I know it can feel hopeless or scary. It can even feel like you are trapped. I want you to know that you are not alone. There are others out there that face the same things and there are others out there that would love to be there for you, hear your story and stick around and show you that you matter. If you can find a 12 step group or a therapist, even if there isn't one that seems to match what you are struggling with there are open meetings that will allow you to sit in and experience the fellowhip and hope of the program. If you have no where else to go, send me an email and I will do my best to respond.